Every Breath You Take
by myLITTLEnekoSHIRO
Summary: "Every breath you take. Every move you make. Every bond you break. Every step you take. I'll be watching you." WARNING: manipulation, implications of abuse and rape of a minor
1. Chapter 1

**Brain: Let's write another story!**

**Me: But…I already have such a hard time updating my other-**

**Brain: WRITE ANOTHER STORY!**

**Me: OKAY! OKAY!**

…**..and that's why this is here. Plus, you know I love me some KenShuu fucked up shit. It just never gets old. Also, the story is titled after Every Breathe You Take by Police which I think is very appropriate for this story. Google the song. I'd tell you why but that would spoil the rest of the story.**

***throws confetti* Enjoy!**

**P.S. For the sake of the story, Shuuhei has green eyes. **

_Present_

He was dripping wet and shivering. Rain pounded around the awning he was sheltering under, the wind whipping right through his thin, cotton shirt. He clutched his schoolbag tightly to his middle, as if it would give him some kind of warmth. It was the same gaudy purple and green tattered thing. It even still had the Greenpeace button pinned to the front pocket.

He looked so vulnerable and _tempting_.

I licked my lips. "Hey, kid?"

He looked up, his runny nose shining red. Lightning flashed, highlighting the jagged scar on the side of his face, and the faint yellow outline of a bruise around his eye. His soft green eyes widened when he saw me. I tightened my grip on the umbrella handle.

"Need a place for the night?" I asked casually.

* * *

The kid was taking his sweet time showering. I wondered if he had escaped through the window while I was busy. I had to reheat the mugs of hot chocolate since he was taking so long.

After thirty minutes, I heard the creak of stairs of someone coming down. I glanced up from the evening newspaper. He stood there, dressed in my sweats and old Vizard University tee that didn't fit me anymore. I had bulked up since then and it was too small for me to fit into. It looked good on him. Made him look like a college student rather than a high-schooler. For some reason, that made me feel a little better.

"Made some hot chocolate," I remarked, holding up two mugs. He glanced at it, a little dazed. He didn't move from his spot.

I sighed in aggravation and strolled into the living room to hand him his mug before gesturing to the couch as I sat down. He murmured a "thanks" but remained standing.

Thunder rumbled outside, like a bulldozer was plowing right outside my window. The boy finally sat down on the far edge of the sofa, hands cupped around the hot chocolate like he was babying it. He didn't take a sip.

My hands were twitching, aching to touch him. To keep them preoccupied, I turned on the telly. And of all the shows to come on, it was Tom &amp; Jerry. My guilty pleasure. I don't care how cliché it got. I would still laugh my head off every time Tom got a piano to the head.

And cue piano scene. I chuckled. But I wasn't the only one. I looked at the kid in surprise. He turned red in embarrassment.

'You like Tom &amp; Jerry?' I asked curiously. He glanced down at his mug, playing with the handle. He nodded.

His hair was partially dry now and fell softly across his face as he bobbed his head, revealing his pale neck. It taunted me, that single sliver of naked skin. I wanted to touch him so _fucking _badly.

My hands twitched again. But it wasn't the only thing that twitched. My stares were starting to unnerve him.

I placed a hand on his knee. He jumped. I tightened my grip, a warning not to move. With my free hand, I turned his face to mine, a finger tracing the scar running up the side of his face. His olive eyes brimmed with confusion and fear. He licked his lower lip. And that did it for me.

I leaned forward and kissed him.

* * *

He was a scrawny thing. Don't get me wrong he had a good bit of muscle on his tiny frame. But his attempts to push me off were pathetic. Either he wasn't trying or I was too strong. Didn't really matter. At least he didn't cry. I never got to have a kid so I wouldn't have known what to do. And besides, what do you say to a kid that just got raped?

He shuddered when I finally pulled away. He didn't move from his place as I zipped up and then proceeded to pull out a cigarette. The first drag unknotted my shoulders and I sighed in relief, blowing out a stream of smoke.

"There's a room upstairs," I stated casually. "First door on your right. I put a hot waterbottle under the sheets since it gets chilly in there sometimes."

He pulled his shirt down, hiding the hickey I had left on his stomach, and just stared at the ceiling. I tilted my head. "Can you walk?"

Silence. He slowly shook his head.

I sighed, irritated, and jabbed the cigarette butt in an ashtray. Pulling his pants up roughly (he bit his lower lip to hold back a whine), I picked him up bridal-style. He winced in pain but refused to say a word. Even at the height of the moment, he refused to utter a word except an occasional whimper. Quite the silent fellow.

There was a red stain on the couch. Great. Gotta clean that, too.

We passed by the fireplace as I made my way to the stairs. I momentarily glanced at the mantle, at the single picture frame I had perched there. Lisa smiled softly at me, her single dark braid hair flung over her shoulder, and her lovely green eyes watching me curiously. She rarely smiled. It was why I loved that photo of her so much. I called it her Mona Lisa smile. Would she still be smiling if she saw me right now?

His eyes were already getting heavy by the time I slipped him between the sheets. He gratefully curled up in the warm blanket, wrapping himself in it like a tight cocoon. He lay on his good side, the side free of any scars and memories. For all the world, he looked like an exhausted teenager who had probably played too much Call of Duty.

I reached out to ruffle his hair but then pulled away at the last minute. I checked the windows, making sure they were securely shut. I cautiously closed the door behind me, careful not to wake him. Then I padlocked it.


	2. Chapter 2

_Two weeks ago_

Two youngsters stumbled through the school grounds. The girl laughed playfully, taunting the dark-haired boy who was grinning from ear-to-ear as he chased after her. The two weaved through trees, her strawberry blonde mane whipping about her cherubic face, his olive-green eyes bright with joy focused on her alone, and their laughter echoing like a musical symphony.

The sun kissed the horizon, throwing splashes of color across the sky like a paint palette. Shadows darted out from the trees and stretched out to touch the couple dancing between them. Fireflies flitted about, their soft glow transforming the little forest into an enchanted fairytale. But the picture was far from complete.

Suddenly, the girl's barefoot slipped in the dew-soaked grass, sending her tumbling. But not before she grabbed the boy's collar and took him with her before he could back away. He didn't seem to mind. He just laughed harder, his breathy chuckles infectious for soon the girl was giggling as madly. But it all died down when they locked eyes, and held their breath.

He reached out to brush a lock of hair behind her ear. And the smile he gave her would have melted any girl's heart. They did nothing but stare at each other. For all the world, they looked like two lovers lost in a magical forest, caught under a spell they didn't dare break.

But alas, all spells must be broken. And this one by the haughty shout of a gangly, light-haired boy with the face of a sly fox.

The couple scrambled away from each other as if the other was on fire. By the looks on their faces, they seemed like they had been caught doing something dirty and were ashamed of it.

The foxy boy sauntered over, followed by his posse consisting of a bespectacled, brown-haired boy and a dark-skinned lad wearing a silver cap that hid half his face. He must have spouted something spiteful just then because the girl turned red and the dark-haired boy flinched.

The girl decided to use the power of reason, the weapon of choice granted to her sex from birth. She timidly came up to him, talking fervently and fidgeting with her hair. She looked like she was begging him for something, her face desperate and her eyes wet. She gestured to the boy behind her who was now fidgeting in discomfort.

The silver-haired boy looked bored. He even yawned in her face, as if he couldn't be bothered with what she had to say. He casually pushed her aside mid-sentence and strolled over to the boy with the shaggy hair. The fox sized up the trembling rabbit, noting the way his tanned skin had paled a little, and how his hand were balled into shaking fists. He smirked. Then, without warning, the fox boy reeled back and drove a fist into his victim's stomach.

The girl screamed and lunged forward but the dark-skinned boy held her back, looking like he'd rather be doing anything else than picking on a girl and her lover. The fox boy's guffaws echoed through the trees, giving the illusion that hundreds of boys were laughing at the wheezing boy on the ground who was trying to crawl away from his assailer. And to think that not moments ago this place had been an enchanted forest filled with the laughs of lovers.

The glasses boy nimbly stepped over, his smile unfaltering. He kicked the boy on the floor, forcing him to curl up on himself. That just made the girl cry fat tears, and the fox boy laugh harder till there were fat tears in his eyes as well. Then he grinned broadly and pulled out his Swiss Army knife. He flicked out the blade

The boy on the ground noticed it and paled. He scrambled to escape but the bespectacled teen grabbed him and yanked him to his feet. Maybe the trapped teen was too slow or badly injured that no matter how hard he struggled he couldn't break free. He wasn't even looking at the fox boy. His eyes were fixed on the blade, it's sharp edge screaming for blood. The girl was a sobbing mess. Fox boy raised his weapon, his face split in a manic grin.

A car horn blared out of nowhere. Everyone jumped, abruptly jolted from the madness that was choking them. It was only for a few seconds but that was all that was needed.

The girl drove a knee into her captor's groin, incapacitating him before hurling herself at the fox boy and sending him flailing to the ground. Everything happened so fast that the only thing anyone could make out were three, excruciatingly pained screams.

There was the fox boy's yelp as he swallowed a mound of dirt, the glasses boy's shout as his captive jabbed an elbow into his nose, and the dark-haired boy's cry as the switchblade sliced through his cheek.

He stood there for a moment, dazed as blood trickled down his face. He jumped as the girl dragged him away, urging him to run away with her. He followed her without a word, not because he was afraid but because he knew not what else to do.

As soon as the two were out of sight, the fox boy staggered to his feet and cursed the heavens. After throwing quite the dramatic tantrum, he grudgingly helped his posse up before exiting the grounds in a huff. The other two followed, one cradling a bloody nose and the other walking with a funny limp.

I leaned back in my car as I took a long drag from my cigarette. Once I was done I flicked it out and drove off.


	3. Chapter 3

_PRESENT_

'You ain't nothing but a hound dog,' I sang as I chased the bacon around the frying pan with my spatula. I managed to successfully transfer it to a plate in one piece.

Snapping my fingers to the beat of "Hound Dog", I shook my leg like how the old King of Rock used to nail it. Ain't bragging but I got some sweet moves for a guy my age. I haven't been robbed of my ability to dance yet.

I smoothly slid to the side and spun around. Oh yeah, I still got it.

I stopped mid-spin and almost collided with the edge of the counter. The kid was staring me curiously from the kitchen door. Guess the smell of bacon and eggs finally woke him up. Good thing I had remembered to unlock his door this morning. Wouldn't have wanted him to freak out or anything.

'Um, mornin',' I said awkwardly. Wasn't every day somebody caught me dancing in the kitchen to the music in my head. 'Um, hungry?'

Must be. He hadn't had anything since the hot chocolate last night.

He glanced at the stove. He noticed the bacon in the plate and fidgeted, hunger apparent in his gaze. That's when I noticed the purplish bruises on the side of his neck where I had nipped his skin yesterday. I winced.

'Um, does bacon and eggs sound good?' I asked. 'I can get some started for you if you can get the toast going, er…'

_And cue you telling me your name without me sounding like a creeper, _I thought. I knew his name. But I didn't want him to know I knew. I wanted to laugh at the hypocrisy of the situation.

Of course, it wasn't going to be that easy to get the boy talking. Nodding his head, he made his way to the toaster. There was a limp in his walk. Guess he was still sore from last night. I must've gone harder than I thought.

I watched as he pulled bread out of the package, hair falling over the tattoo on his cheek. He scrunched his forehead as he surveyed the toaster, wondering how to work it. He looked kinda cute all confused. And when he bit his lower lip I was damn tempted to kiss him.

Needing a distraction, I started humming "Hound Dog", trying to focus on making more bacon.

'What is that?'

I almost dropped the sizzling strip of bacon my arm when he spoke. Jeez, if him talking meant I had a heart attack I'd rather him stay mute all the time. But, hey, he could talk. That was a relief.

'What?' I said dumbly.

The boy quickly lowered his head, a blush spreading across his cheeks. I guess my staring was unnerving him. 'What you were humming just now,' he murmured. 'You were singing it before too.'

That was more than three words. I was impressed. I hope I wasn't jinxing it by thinking that.

'Oh, "Hound Dog"? It's Elvis Presley. I'm a big fan.'

He looked at me, a little perplexed. 'Who is that?'

My eyes almost popped out. 'Elvis Presley? King of Rock? Jailhouse Rock? Lilo and Stitch?'

I was throwing every Presley reference I could think of but the kid was as blank as a whiteboard. I didn't know whether to curse his parents for depriving him of good music or shake him and say, 'How are you even alive right now?!'

I knew a little education was in order right now. So I pulled out my trusty iPod and plugged it into the speakers I had set up in my kitchen. Because, hey, cooking is incomplete without background music, am I right?

"Hound Dog" blasted through and I was already bobbing my head to the beat. God, that guy had been something. His music was timeless.

'He was a phenomenon,' I found myself saying. 'New style, new look, new sound. Girls wanted to date him, guys wanted to be him, and parents hated him because they thought he was a bad influence. A one-of-a-kind gem. On a whole other level on his own.'

I don't know why I was telling him that. I mean, I never missed a chance to spout random facts about my man Elvis. But I hadn't talked about Elvis since Lisa-

'_You ain't nothing but a hooound doog,' _Elvis growled over the grating guitar. I snapped my fingers in time to the rhythm. The kid stared at me like I had gone mental. But I saw this curiosity in him. Like he wanted to understand me. I started snapping in his direction, smiling encouragingly.

'C'mon,' I coaxed.

He pushed a lock of hair behind an ear, exposing that scar again. He looked hesitant. But slowly, he began to snap with me. He was a little offbeat but I got him to follow my lead and soon we were both snapping our fingers to one of the greatest rock classics of all time.

'That's it! You got it,' I said with a grin. I started bobbing my head and he followed too, smiling a little too.

I felt delirious. There was bacon cooking away on the stove, the smell of crispy toast in the air, sunlight streaming through the window and Elvis Presley blasting away on the speakers.

And then, there was us. Me, trying to fix my broken life, and this kid, who needed someone to fix his. And when I saw his smile, I forgot everything about myself and got lost in that beautiful smile. This kid…he was something.

'Shuuhei.' The boy looked at me, dazzling smile in place. 'My name is Shuuhei.'

I stared at him for a minute. Then, dropping my spatula, I pressed him back into the counter and captured his mouth in a heated kiss. We stayed like that for a while. He didn't try to pull away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it's so short but it's all part of the plot. Trust me. I is a writer**

_A WEEK AGO_

'We can't.'

'What do you mean? Hey, we're okay, Shuu. Just…let me talk to Gin. I'm sure he'll understand once I-!'

Green eyes stared in disbelief. 'Ran, he _hit_ you. And that's because you were hanging around _me_.'

A laugh. 'Don't be silly, Shuu. He's my brother. We always fight like this. He never means to hit me-'

'There is a _bruise _the size of a ping pong on your cheek.' A hand feathered over a tanned cheek, marred by a purple welt. It stopped and withdrew. 'Look, it's best we stopped seeing each other. It's for the best, really…'

Blue eyes widened in surprise. 'Who says?! You don't get to decide this relationship, Shuuhei!'

'I'm not trying to do that, Ran. I'm just…I don't want to see you get hurt anymore.'

'But if it's for you, I don't care! Can't you see that?' Crystal blue eyes shined with tears. 'You're worth it, Shuuhei.'

Mouth set in a hard line. Green eyes turned cold. 'I'm not. And it's stupid of you to think that I'm worth hurting over.'

A flash of hurt. A step back. 'Shuuhei…you don't really mean that…' A hand scrambled for the reassurance of the other's.

Said hand retracted sharply. 'Go home, Ran.'

Tears began to flow even faster. 'Shuuhei…'

'I said go home! I don't ever want to see your face again, you hear me?!'

This stung far more than the other remarks. Ran stepped back, tears flowing freely as she stared at him in shock. 'Fuck you,' she whispered before turning around and running away. She didn't bother looking back, not even when she rounded the corner and disappeared from sight. It was heart-wrenching. Really.

Shuuhei watched her go. When she was gone, he looked up at the sky and suddenly howled in anguish. In a burst of anger, he kicked the bus stop sign, muttering a slew of curses either at himself or at the bus stop. It was hard to tell with the way he was pummeling the poor sign like it was its fault.

'Doughnut?'

He jumped and looked up, suddenly noticing me. Probably didn't realize that someone had been around to watch that melodramatic scene. His cheeks flushed in embarrassment. I simply held out a bag of Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts.

'They're fresh,' I added. Freshly baked Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts were to die for. I was surprised I wasn't a fat, old man yet. And that probably would've made me look creepier than I already was.

The boy blinked slowly, gazing at the bag and then back at me. Guess his mum taught him not to take anything from strangers. Well, he was missing his chance. My bus was pulling in now. Since he didn't make a move, I retracted the back and began to fish out coins for the bus fare.

'Well, here's food for thought anyway,' I said gruffly. 'Chasing after things that are bad for you can get you in trouble. So you did good saving her from that.'

He raised an eyebrow at me, the bandaged side of his face crinkling as he did. I noticed there was a yellowing bruise along his jaw. Was it that Gin boy again?

It wasn't until I was passing him to get on the bus did he speak up. Maybe I was meant to hear. Maybe not. But it made my heart ache for him.

'But it's so unfair that the things that make you happy are the things that are bad for you,' he said softly, eyes downcast.

I simply pretended I didn't hear and boarded the bus, taking the window seat overlooking the bus stop. Thank God the windows were tinted.

I watched the boy stare at the ground as he leaned against the stop sign, lost in his thoughts. The bus hissed as it started to move. Then, tucking his hands into his jean pockets, he sauntered off with a dazed look. I sighed and settled back into my seat. My eyes wandered to the ceiling.

'I know, kid,' I murmured bitterly. 'Believe me, I know.'


	5. Chapter 5

_PRESENT_

'Well, since my baby left me,' I sang, stopping halfway down the stairs. 'I found a new place to dwell, (stopped again) it's down at the end of lonely street at-Heartbreak Hotel. Heartbreak is so lonely, baby…heartbreak is so lonely…'

I hummed the rest of "Heartbreak Hotel" as I waltzed into the kitchen. I flipped a glass in the air, spun around, and caught it before it hit the counter. Who said I was getting too old to do dumb shit like this?

As I poured myself some water from the tap, I gazed out the window into the pitch-black night. The stars had all gone into hiding, leaving the moon all alone to brighten the skies. It was simply glowing, like it was showing off or something. I could see almost every crater on its surface. But its imperfections made it even more gorgeous in the darkness.

Did I sound like I was in a good mood? Damn straight I was in a good mood. Kid was starting to talk to me now. I mean, he was talking before but only when I instigated the conversation. Now, he'd ask me questions, told me what he liked and disliked, and even…he even said it was okay for me to hug him when we watched Tom &amp; Jerry at night.

I shivered, remembering the cool feel of his skin against mine, the feathery scamper of his fingers as they dug into my shirt, and the soft, soft press of his plump lips against mine. He'd stopped resisting me. But he didn't pull me close either. He would just…lie there and let me do what I liked.

I frowned. It didn't bother me much. I knew it was going to take a while before he accepted me. Still, some reciprocation would be nice. I didn't even know if whatever I was doing was making him feel good or hurting him. Whenever I asked questions about it, he'd just look the other way and stay silent.

Well, you can't have everything.

I heard the faint sound of the shower. Made sense. We went really hot and heavy tonight. Damn it, I had work in the morning. I groaned. I was tempted to call in sick.

But then what would I do the rest of the day? Maybe I could take Shuuhei to the park. Bet he'd like some fresh air after being cooped up in here for a month. But I'd have to keep a close eye on him. And what if…what if someone recognized him?

'Should've thought of that before you brought him home, huh, Kensei?' said a snide voice from behind.

I paled. The tumbler slipped from my hand, shattering in the sink. Thank God, otherwise I would've cut up my own foot. Heart beating a mile a minute, I slowly turn around, throat too constricted to utter a word as my eyes landed on the last person I expected to see lounging on the living room couch.

Lisa smiled. The Mona Lisa smile. 'Hello, Kensei.'

I finally found my voice. 'You're not supposed to be here,' I croaked.

She inspected her nails nonchalantly. 'There's someone else who isn't supposed to be here either.'

My knees were knocking against each other. She gazed up at me, eyes cold and hard. I swallowed. 'Please…you can't be here right now…'

'Oh? And why not?' She was suddenly standing no more than five feet from me. I flinched. 'That's a little rude considering this used to be my home, too. _Our _home.' She looked around and scoffed. 'You haven't changed a thing, have you? Haven't even moved that chair you said you'd move if I ever left. But it's still there, Kensei. You still miss me, don't you? Just say it. You miss me terribly.'

My chest hurt. Of course I missed her. I was madly in love with her. I'm _still _madly in love with her. That's why-

'-he looks like me?'

I shook my head clear and looked at Lisa. And inhaled sharply. My eyes trained on the tiny bundle in her hands, heart pounding rapidly.

'That's why you brought him here, isn't it?' Lisa continued, as if I hadn't just turned whiter than a bed sheet. 'The boy. He looks like me. He reminds you of me. He's going to figure it out sooner or later. What then, Kensei? What're you going to tell him then?'

That I'm sick. That I'm sick in the head and body. Why the hell would I be seeing Lisa and…_that_…

'What…' I whispered, body shaking. 'What's…that…in your arms…'

She looked at me quizzically. 'Isn't it obvious?' she remarked, pulling back the blanket. 'It's your son.'

A cherubic face with pale skin and soft green eyes stared back at me. I grabbed the edge of the sink, the room spinning around me. I think I was going to throw up.

'Mr. Muguruma?'

I glanced up in my haze. Shuuhei was standing near the staircase, concerned. Lisa was gone. So was the baby. I clutched my chest. It was soaked.

That was so real. She had been _right there_ with her mocking look. I knew she was right. She was always right. But God damn it, did she have be right _now _of all times? When everything…everything was going _so well_…

'Mr. Muguruma…is everything alright?'

His hair was still wet from the shower. Like the day I picked him up. And he was wearing one of my old university tees again. He looked so small and frail in it, like the fabric was eating him up. I just wanted to…

He let out a muffled yelp as I pressed my lips against his in a hot kiss. He stumbled backwards on the stairs, hissing as his elbow hit the edge when we went down. I bit into his lower lip.

'I need you,' I growled, yanking his sweatpants off. 'I need you _now_.'

He let out a pitiful cry as I entered him after preparing him roughly using only my spit. I didn't want to hurt him. But I wasn't going to go back to my bedroom to finish the job. I needed him. I needed to forget. Otherwise I'd go mad.

'You already are,' Lisa whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

_5 DAYS AGO_

It was a lazy Saturday morning. Even the paperboy didn't come by the neighborhood until 10am. But the house with the purple door was already awake; with doors slamming, people screaming, and chinaware shattering so often you wondered if they were replaceable.

The last door to slam was the purple one before silence lapsed over the broken home. Shuuhei hurried down the porch steps, already donning his work vest and trousers. He was also wearing a fresh purpling bruise on his left cheek, right over the old scar. Despite the scowl he wore, despite the hatred simply radiating off him, tears streaked his cheeks. He kept trying to wipe them away, trying to pretend that they weren't there.

He finally stopped all together, when that house was out of sight and he was truly alone. Only then did he let go and buried his face in his hands to allow his tears to flow freely. He didn't cry noisily or tremble like how most kids his age cried. He was a quiet crier. It was pitiful to watch. What kid would feel so unsafe in his own home that he couldn't even cry there?

A shadow flitted across an alley. Shuuhei saw it and quickly looked up, startled. His tears had stopped but his eyes and nose were still red. A dark-skinned boy crept out from behind a dumpster. It was the same kid from last week.

Another kid, taller and more weedy-looking, sauntered out from around the corner while casually twirling a baseball bat and wearing a malicious grin. Simultaneously, a blue-haired, muscular boy rose up from behind a bush, cracking his knuckles. Shuuhei took a step back, feeling uneasy. He knew something was wrong and that they certainly weren't here to comfort him. And when the familiar fox boy popped up from behind the taller boy, all of Shuuhei's fears were confirmed.

He ran. He didn't seem to care where. As long as it was far away from those boys he didn't care where his feet took him.

The other boys gave chase, laughing and hooting like it was some kind of fun game. Catch the Shuuhei. Beat the Shit out of Shuuhei. Tag, You're Dead Meat. Or whatever fucked up games kids played these days.

Shuuhei knew he was a goner. It was four against one. Sooner or later, he was going to tucker out, and they would finally get to test their fists on him. If he stopped now to catch his breath, he was dead. If he kept running, he was dead. It was a Catch-22 and there was no escaping his predicament.

So it would seem to any logical person.

So, either this kid was bloody brilliant or bloody psychotic. It had to be the latter because why else would anyone turn around and run straight at their attackers? Because he was a psychopath, that's why. A psychopath would also think it would be a smart idea to attack the leader of the pack, who happened to be the fox boy.

But only a brilliant psychopath would feign an attack to scare the leader shitless and make him backtrack into his posse, creating a domino effect that turned the whole pack into a tangled mess. And only a bloody brilliant psychopath would then seize the moment to vault wall via a dumpster and disappear around the corner, leaving the boys to curse him to oblivion as they shoved each off to get back on their feet.

Yep, that kid was a bloody brilliant psychopath.

Who looked like he wasn't going to make it to work at that rate. Especially if those boys managed to detangle quickly and restarted the hunt, now fueled with a thirst for blood and revenge.

I whirred up my engine and caught up with Shuuhei. He stumbled backwards when I skidded to a halt next to him and rolled the window down.

'Get in,' I growled. He was a little out of it. Running for your life could really muddle you up. 'I said get in if you don't want to become chicken fodder.'

Just then, fox boy burst out from around the corner. He was huffing hard. Must've been eager to put the hurt on Shuuhei for making a fool of him. He glared at Shuuhei, hands curling into fists as he burst into a sprint.

I didn't have to repeat myself. Shuuhei scrambled into my car. I didn't even wait for him to slam the door as I sped up. The fox kid angrily thumped the trunk of my car. He kept running, spewing profanities at us. All I caught was "fucker". Charming boy.

Shuuhei didn't relax until the bully had finally given up and was out of sight. He slumped back and gave a sigh of relief. He was safe.

He glanced at me from the corner of his eye. 'Thanks,' he mumbled. He was still shaking from that close encounter.

I just shrugged. He had been in trouble. I just thought it was right to help him. Then, on a whim, I cleared my throat. 'You should pick your fights more carefully,' I said quietly. 'Don't go challenging people who don't fight fair.'

He snorted and glanced out the window. 'I don't pick 'em. They pick me.'

'It doesn't have to be that way. I'm sure your friends can help you.'

He was silent. For a minute, I thought he was ignoring me. Then…

'It's not that simple,' he murmured. He said it so softly I had almost missed it. I guessed he didn't want me to hear that so I didn't reply.

We rode in silence until I came to a halt at a red light. We were at the Interstate crossing that took us to the city.

'Um…if you don't mind…' he finally spoke up and fidgeted in his seat a little. 'Do you think you could drop me off at the Apollo? It's the little café opposite Visored Real Estates.'

I was about to nod when a sudden thought crossed my mind. It wasn't intentional. The fact that it was suddenly an opportunity and would probably never happen again made me hesitate.

My eyes zeroed in on the red light. If I went right on the Interstate, it would take us to the city. But if I turned left, it would take us to my house. It was pretty simple. We'd be there in less than five minutes before he realized what was going on. And even if he did figure it out, I was stronger. It would be no problem knocking him out and taking him-

The light turned green. I turned right. I almost ran into the curb as I turned since I was shaking a little. The boy murmured another thanks before going quiet again. I didn't mind. It gave me time to calm my nerves before the cityscape appeared over the horizon.

Once we were in the heart of the city and gotten past the morning traffic, I let the kid navigate me to the little café. It had fake Greek columns in the front with little tables and chairs setup outside. There was also a Greek alphabetized menu board propped up next to the entrance. Looked like the Soup of the Day was minestrone. God help anyone who had dyslexia and tried to read that board.

'Um, see you around, I guess,' I said awkwardly as Shuuhei stepped out of the car. 'And…try to take care of yourself, alright?'

He paused, hand on the door handle and one foot on the pavement. He glanced down and whispered something.

'Sorry?' I asked.

'Nothing,' he said quickly, like he was in a hurry now. He shut the door behind him, fixed his vest, plastered a smile on his face (his cheek was swelling), and walked briskly up to the café. I waited until he was inside before driving off.

I heard what he said. And for a second, I wished I had turned left instead.

_'Would you like to?'_

I pressed my employee-parking pass on the sensor and drove into the underground parking lot of Visored Real Estates. Sometimes I wondered if Urahara just enjoyed working me to the bone on weekends. Ah well, at least he gave me a bonus if I did.

I adjusted my tie in the rearview mirror. Time to get to work.


	7. Chapter 7

_PRESENT_

'She's pretty.'

I froze. Taking a deep breath I looked up from my plate. Shuuhei was staring at the picture on the mantelpiece. At Lisa. My Mona Lisa.

He continued eating, unaware of my stillness. 'Who is she?'

Oh, if only he knew. Who is she? She was the love of my life. My reason to live. The joy in my laugh. My dreams. My hopes. My nightmares.

I tried to play it off and shoved spaghetti down my throat, although I couldn't really taste anything anymore. 'She was my wife,' I grunted.

'Oh.' He was staring at his plate, silent. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-'

'Doesn't matter. She's dead.' Oh God, Kensei, why did you have to say that so callously? Why did you even have to mention it? He doesn't have to know. If he knew…if he knew how it happened he'd-

'I-I'm sorry.'

'Like I said it doesn't matter.' I stood up suddenly and grabbed my half full plate. I wasn't hungry anymore.

He stood up too. 'Here,' he said, reaching out for my plate. 'Let me-'

'You don't have to do anything,' I bit out, heading to the garbage can to throw my leftovers. All the way I was chanting in my head.

shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup

It wasn't his fault. He was just making a statement. Why was it bothering me so fucking much? It had been a year. I was over it. I had therapy. I talked to friends. The doctors said I was fine. So then why-

'It's guilt, Kensei.'

Lisa leaned against the kitchen sink nonchalantly as I viciously washed my dish, avoiding looking in her direction. She grinned maliciously. 'You feel guilty for what you're doing to him. To _me_.'

'You're not supposed to be here,' I murmured. 'You're dead. Dead, you hear me?'

'So what? Doesn't mean you'll stop seeing me everywhere.'

'I'm not going mad. The doctor said I was fine. I didn't need treatment anymore. He said-'

'Oh! Speaking of doctors, ask the boy if someone called today.'

I suddenly felt lightheaded and dizzy. Lisa leaned in close. 'Go on. Ask him. I want to see his reaction when you lose it.'

I swallowed bitterly. 'Shuuhei, did someone…call today?'

He had been clearing the table. All of the sudden, the clinking of dishes had stopped. I could almost here him think: should I lie or tell the truth?

'Yes,' he said slowly. 'But I didn't pick up…'

I breathed. My heart began to settle.

'…so the person left a voice message.'

I froze. One more question loomed in my mind although I already knew the answer to that.

'Did you hear it?'

Again he hesitated, weighing the outcome of his answer. 'Well-'

I didn't wait for him to finish. I stumbled out of the kitchen towards the phone, pressing the voicemail button.

_You have 1 new message_

_BEEP!_

'Hello, Kensei, this is your therapist Dr. Urahara. I was just checking up on you to see if those new pills were working. You complained about headaches and hallucinations so those should take the edge off. Also, I wanted to-'

_BEEP! _

_Message deleted_

I knew he was behind me. I didn't have to turn around to see him. I was gripping the edge of the table so hard my knuckles were white.

'I'm not crazy,' I said hoarsely. I had to say it. I didn't care if he wasn't thinking it. He had to know. I just…

'Kensei, I never-'

'Don't…' I said through gritted teeth, my voice strained. '_lie to me_.'

Everyone lied to me. Ever since…ever since Lisa was gone, everyone did nothing but _lie _to me.

'It'll be alright.'

'It'll get better. Trust me.'

'You just need to be around friends, Kensei.'

'You'll find someone again. You just got to have faith.'

Lies, lies, and even more lies. I was sick of it. Talking to my family did nothing. My friends were hollow. My therapy was nothing but an emotional drain for me. I wanted out.

'_What do you think he'll look like, Kensei? I want him to look like you. And have your sharp jawline. And he can have my eyes, like you want him to. It's so crazy, isn't it? In just a few months, we're going to be parents to a baby boy…'_

She had been my world. She had been my everything. I wanted to be with her forever and more. And when she got pregnant, I thought we were meant to be. She was _perfect_.And then everything went so wrong.

'_Where's my Lisa? Is she okay!? Doctor, what's wrong with my Lisa?'_

'_Everything is fine, Mr. Muguruma. It's just a difficult birth. It's taking it's toll on her.'_

'_Doctor, will she live? Will she be alright? What about the baby? Listen, I told her I'd be there for her. I told her I'd stay by her side until it was all over. Please, just let me in. She needs me. My Lisa needs me. Just. Let. Me. THROUGH! LISA!'_

I stopped answering my phone. I stopped going to my sessions. Everyone was worried. But I didn't care. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. I was slowly slipping into darkness and I couldn't be bothered to save myself.

And then _he _came along.

I slowly turned around to face Shuhhei. The boy was staring at me, wide-eyed and concerned. His hands were clenched into fists at his side.

'Kensei?' he said tentatively.

I had been standing at the bus stop, a year since Lisa had gone (left me), and there he was. He was waiting for the bus like me.

My entire body had frozen. My heart had stopped. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought the world was torturing me. How was it possible for someone to look that similar to her? I didn't believe in reincarnation but at that moment, if someone told me that the sky was red instead of blue, I would've believed them.

For the first time in a year, I had wanted to cry, scream and laugh all at the same time. I had given up on life. And then there it was at the bus stop, calling out to me to live, giving me a second chance to be a better man, lover, father.

Call me a sick man. I didn't care. I couldn't forget him. So I followed him. I found out who he was, where he lived, worked, studied. I wanted to know everything about him. I knew it was no coincidence that I had met the boy who was the spitting image of my wife. And that was how I found out his life was worse than mine, living with a monster who called himself a father, and being bullied just for existing.

At that moment, I wanted to save him. Take him away from that horrible life but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was already being a pervert, stalking him everywhere. Kidnapping him would not only put my life at risk but his as well. It was unthinkable. I was content with just watching him. Having him would be too painful, too…good for a man like me.

But then that day at the Greek place he said something to me that I couldn't walk away from. My mind had been made up. I was going to take him home with me. And there was no going back after that.

I slowly walked up to him and gently cupped his face. He let me. He was strangely calm. It almost made me nervous. Damn it, I wish I hadn't thrown those pills away.

Licking my lips, I leaned down and pressed my mouth against his. He didn't pull away, letting me deepen the kiss. I kissed him long and hard, and when I pulled away, he gasped for air. I leaned my forehead against his.

'I promised,' I murmured. 'I made a promise to save you.' I now framed his face with my hands. 'And I won't go back on my promise.'

Shuuhei looked me in the eyes, those lovely green eyes. And nodded. I kissed him again.

Sometimes I wondered if he was my savior instead of me being his.

Lisa perched on the arm of the sofa. She crossed her arms and studied the boy. Her eyes narrowed. 'There's something off about him,' she murmured.


	8. Chapter 8

_3 DAYS AGO_

He pulled his bedroom curtains back, probably to let some light in. He walked away and came back with a comic book. A typical teenage obsession. Comic book heroes gave them hope that one day they'll wake up with amazing superpowers and be able to do anything. Even escape the life they lived.

The boy smiled faintly. Even the bruise on his face couldn't ruin the joy he felt holding that comic book, ready to pour over its pages of heart pounding action. And if you looked beyond the paint chipped house he lived in, beyond the scars all over his body, and beyond the hate he was constantly the victim of, you would honestly believe he was the epitome of happiness holding that comic book.

The faint chime of a doorbell echoed in the little house. He looked up from his comic book, looking a little disappointed. He was really looking forward to reading it. Someone was yelling at him to answer the door. He disappeared from the window. After a muffled sound of a plate smashing and some furious swearing, the door slowly swung open. Shuuhei looked up. And froze.

'Um, hello,' I said nervously. I squeezed the backpack strap I had in hand.

He didn't say anything. From the corner of my eye, I noticed how his hand tightened around the door handle. Shit, he looked scared. Of course, he was. Some stranger was standing on his porch and holding his backpack. He was probably thinking how he could call the police without causing a commotion.

I didn't know how long I had been standing there but I was starting to feel awkward. I should've just put the bag on the porch and left. What, did I expect him to invite me in? That he would welcome me happily and show me his room, his comic book collection, his…bed…

I shook my head. _Stop it. Stop thinking like that. Not only do you act like a perverted stalker you think like one too._

'…saved me.'

I blinked. Wait, was he talking to me?

'You're the one who saved me from Gin,' he said softly. He remembered me. He also wasn't gripping the doorknob as tightly. I relaxed a little.

'Um, yeah, that was…that was me.' I still felt awkward. What do you say after that, really? Hey, it was no big deal, just being a model citizen and all. Oh, and here's your backpack which I found while I was looking for you yesterday. Just thought you would like it back since you forgot to grab it after Gin and his gang-

'Is that…mine?' He was looking at the backpack.

'Hm? Oh! Yeah, I, uh, found it…yesterday.' I shoved the bag towards him, hoping he would take it quickly. 'Um, I saw the nametag with the address and decided to…return it. I…I didn't know…it was…yours…'

Of course, I knew it was his. I could recognize the faded denim bag anywhere. He was always carrying it everywhere; to school, to work. On my workdays, I would drive like a madman to his neighborhood and look for it, just so I could catch him walking home from school.

There was something about him in that moment. Something about the way he carried himself (and smiled so freely) always put me at ease. It was one of those rare moments that I knew he was safe and it made me…happy.

I couldn't find him yesterday. I parked behind a corner house, my usual spot to watch him walk home. Ten minutes passed. Twenty. Thirty. He was nowhere. I felt panic well up in my throat. I didn't care if the neighborhood had a speed limit. I gunned my car and hunted the streets like my life depended on it. Then I saw him. Not him. Not Shuuhei. The fox boy and his gang. And he was smirking.

My heart sank. Guilt wrapped around my limbs, paralyzing me. I wasn't there this time. I couldn't protect him. It was all my fault. He was lying somewhere, hurt, and there was nothing I could do about it.

_I have to find him._

I drove in the opposite direction I saw the boys come from. I drove a lot slower. I didn't trust myself, despite the urgency. I was a ball of anger and fear. I knew I would've hurt someone.

That's when I saw it. His bag was next to a trashcan, the kind that people rolled out to be emptied. As if someone had purposely kept it there to be thrown away. Like it wasn't someone's belonging but garbage.

Shaking with anger, I picked it up and threw it in the backseat. If his bag was in one piece that meant he was alright too. At least, that was what I wanted to believe.

I found myself driving to his house. I didn't need to know where I was driving. By now, I knew the way by heart.

I stopped at the end of the street. It was getting dusky. The edge of the sky was barely pink and yellow. But I could still see a lone figure making its way to the house with the purple door. His shirt was torn and hanging off his shoulder. He was limping, barely managing to walk. All along the street, the houses were dimly lit. You could hear laughter behind the closed curtains, the clinking of china, and the sound of the television blaring. All the normal sounds of a regular, happy day.

Something he could never have. Something he _knew _he could never have. And yet, he kept going.

I wanted to cry for him. No one…no matter what they did in their past life…deserved the life he was living. So why? Why him? Why did it have to be him?

'Hey.'

He looked at me. I gulped. Shit, he looked so much like her it was terrifying.

I should've just shut up. But I kept going. 'Is…everything okay?'

To my surprise, his face colored. Why…? Was he embarrassed? I was just concerned. If anyone saw his bruised face they would wonder the same. Right?

'It's…' he started.

'Oi! Shuuhei! What's taking so long?' A rough voice called out behind him. He flinched. 'Is it one of those church guys? Tell 'em to fuck off!'

'You need to go,' Shuuhei suddenly said. He was trying to slam the door in my face. But not before I caught a good look at his. He was afraid.

'Oi! Who's that?'

Too late. Up sauntered a slovenly man with mangy dreads and dark sunglasses. It didn't take much to guess that he'd been drinking in the middle of the day. It also didn't take much to know from that that he was unemployed.

'He was just returning my bag, dad,' Shuuhei said quietly. I raised an eyebrow. _This _was his father?

His "dad" was leaning against the door, almost crushing Shuuhei. My hand itched to pull the boy away from him. The man scowled.

'You're always losing stuff, brat,' he spat. 'Making others fetch it for you like they're your slaves. You'll never learn, will you?'

'I'm…sorry.' Shuuhei's eyes kept darting to the side, as if looking for an opening to escape. I couldn't blame him. I was trying to do the same. It was uncomfortable watching this man berate his own son in front of a stranger with no qualms. As if he didn't care what people thought about him.

'Tch. And then you think a sorry is enough. It isn't me you should be apologizing to. It's for making this man drag himself out here to do your stupid work for you.'

'It really isn't-!' I uttered. Before I could blink the man had slapped the boy. And not a light slap. It sounded like whip crack, forcing Shuuhei to stumble backwards and cradle his newly bruised cheek. My jaw dropped.

His "dad" casually leaned against the doorframe, watching his "son" spit blood on the floor. He didn't budge to check if he was okay. He didn't even flinch when he hit Shuuhei. It was like he didn't give a flying fuck what happened to him. It was…

'Despicable.'

'What?' The man turned around and narrowed his eyes at me. 'What did you say to me?'

'I said despicable,' I said calmly, although my entire body was shaking. I wanted to strangle him, to hit him back. Make him feel the same pain. I wanted to _hurt _him. 'But you're far worse than that. There is nothing more disgusting than a man who hits a child, especially if it's his own. You don't deserve to be a father. In fact, I should be calling the authorities so that they can save this boy from a deplorable man like you.'

My heart was pounding. I didn't even know this man. But every fiber of my being wanted to beat him to a pulp. He…how dare he lay a finger on him…my…

'Oh?' He was smiling. Why the fuck was he smiling? I wanted to rip that smile off his face. 'You're going to call the authorities on me, eh? Go ahead.'

Something was wrong. He was acting way too calm. Like he knew something I didn't and was enjoying this way too much.

'What? You think I wouldn't recognize your car? I've seen it around this neighborhood. I've seen it follow my son.'

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit-

'What's the matter? Did you really think I was that dumb?' The man laughed. Then he stopped and sneered me. 'Look in a mirror before you start calling others names. On paper, this kid is my adopted son so I can discipline him however I want. What authority do you have, huh? You're just some pathetic pervert that stalks underage boys and steals their stuff. So go ahead. Call the authorities. But I don't think I'm the one they should be saving him from.'

I gritted my teeth. I wanted to say he was wrong. That I was just concerned for Shuuhei. But I would be lying if I said that. And I couldn't do it. I couldn't lie to myself. I couldn't lie to him.

Shuuhei…

He wasn't looking at me. His eyes were trained on the floor. But he had heard everything. He knew who I was. He knew all the times we met weren't coincidences. So, did he hate me for it? Did he hate the fact that I cared?

'Oi, Shuuhei, you got anything to say to your biggest fan?' This was all a joke to him. He didn't realize he was taunting a broken boy and an equally broken man.

_Please look at me. Please…_

'Stay away from him. And stay away from my house. If I find you here again I'll call the cops.' He wasn't taunting anymore. He was threatening. But I couldn't take my eyes off the boy. I just wanted him to look at me. I just…I just wanted him to know that it didn't matter. That it shouldn't matter. That as long as someone cared the world wasn't so bleak.

He finally looked up as the door closed. And I almost crumbled at the look he was giving me. It was a look of pity. He was pitying me.


	9. Chapter 9

_PRESENT_

'Kensei…'

It was supposed to be a quick trip. We were just going to pop in, buy some detergent, and leave.

'Kensei…'

He begged to come. He said he wanted to go outside. Just this once.

'Kensei, please…'

He wasn't supposed to talk to anyone. How…

'KENSEI!'

I felt the steering wheel yank out of my grasp. A sudden screeching pierced my ears. I looked past the dashboard. An old lady shook her fist at me, scowling. She quickly hobbled away. I'd somehow managed to drive us back to my neighborhood.

'What is wrong with you?'

I blinked slowly. Shuuhei was staring at me incredulously. He was also shaking. Shit, I must have scared him with my driving. How fast had I been going? It didn't take that long to get to the closest grocery store. It would have only taken a few minutes to get the detergent and leave. But we left early without even getting it because…

I banged my fists on the dashboard. My vision was getting blurry again. I quickly shut the car off and got out. I needed to walk. I didn't care how far away my place was. I needed to cool off.

Footsteps followed me. The kid was trying to keep up. He gave me a sideway look but didn't utter a word. This walk was supposed to calm me but I could feel a panic attack threatening to break through.

This was his chance. If he wanted to, he could run away right now and I'd be too preoccupied to chase him. My hands itched to grab him, to make sure he wouldn't dare leave me. But we were in public. If I tried anything, everyone would see it. They would get suspicious. They'd come knocking to see how I was, what I was doing, bring me apple pie to "feel better". It'd be the same thing all over again. Like the time I lost Lisa.

They'd ask about the boy. They'd ask where he came from, why was he with me. They'd turn around in grocery stores to chat with him and ask him what he was doing with an old man like-

My head throbbed. I slammed the door when we walked in. He winced. His face was contorted, like he wanted to ask something but he didn't know how to.

'What did he say?' I said quietly.

'What?'

'That man at the store. He was talking to you.'

'He didn't…'

'He was asking why you were with me.'

He gave me a pitying look. 'Kensei, it doesn't matter…'

'Yes, it does!' I said forcefully and stepped forward to grab his elbow. 'It matters because-!'

I must've seemed so crazy. Why would it matter what a guy said at a store, he must be thinking. But it did matter. It mattered what Shuuhei would've said _back_.

How long had it been since I had brought him home that night? I couldn't remember what life was like before he came along. All I knew was that it got _better_.

After that dinner incident, our relationship changed. He started…accepting me. Like in the beginning, I had asked him to go to his room whenever I left for work so I could padlock the door. He never questioned me. He always tensed up but he listened all the same. However, after that night, he went voluntarily. Right after breakfast, he'd pad upstairs and close his door, waiting for me to lock it.

I stopped locking him up. Trust was a two-way street. I still locked the house but I at least gave him the freedom to roam outside his room. And yet, whenever I came back, he was always in his room, door shut. The only evidence that he ever left the room was when there would be a pot of food simmering on the stove.

On weekends, I'd let him sleep in my bed. He'd curl up in my arms after sex and pass out peacefully, like it was the most normal thing to do. It was those moments when I would stare at the ceiling and wonder if this was all a dream. That if a man like me even deserved to be happy like this. Even _she _had disappeared. Something the pills had never been able to do before. _He _made her go away.

So when he had asked, pleaded almost, if he could come to the grocery store, I hadn't hesitated. It had almost come second nature, as if all he had to do was ask and I'd do it. It was only when we were there, when I had turned around for a fraction of a second, that I realized the mistake I had made.

You're bound to talk to someone at a store. It didn't matter if you knew them or not. You would always be forced to talk. This guy came out of nowhere. He had no business to be there talking to us. He had this annoying high-pitched voice and kept blabbing about lunchmeats. I ignored him and walked away but he tried to engage Shuuhei. And then he said something that had sent a knife through my chest.

'What is he? Your dad? Wait, is he your…'

I didn't let him finish. I grabbed Shuuhei's hand and pulled him out of the store. I didn't pause to think until the kid had pulled on the steering wheel. I didn't know what that guy was going to say. But a part of me had gone into panic mode and wanted to get Shuuhei away from everything. No, I wanted to hide him again. I didn't want to share. I wanted him all to myself. Damn…maybe I was crazy. And here I thought it was getting _better…_

'Ouch…'

I quickly released his arm. I had left bruises there. Great. Another few to add to his collection. Right below the cigarette burns probably left by his deadbeat asshole of a father. He had enough problems in his life. What made me think living with me would make them go away?

No. No, no, no, no. I'm not going there again. I did this to help_ him_ (me). He's with me because we both knowit helps _him_ (me). This is for _him_ (ME).

'This was a bad idea,' I whispered.

'What?'

I looked at him. He looked so confused and uneasy. Just like the first time I brought him here. Then it dawned on me.

I see. I see what I did wrong. It was all moving too fast. I got comfortable too quickly. I had been living a dream, thinking everything was okay and _normal_ when it clearly wasn't. He wasn't my _son_. He wasn't my _lover. _He was a boy I had picked up because I thought we could help each other. But all this time, I had been using him to help _me_. I had done nothing to help _him_. So really, what obligation did he have to me? What should stop him from telling some stranger who I was and what I was doing to him?

My anxiety was stirring again. 'Maybe…' I started. 'Maybe it was a bad idea to take you out. Maybe…it's too early…'

'Too early…?'

I needed to go back to our old ways; to start over and let him rely on me for first. 'I think…I think you should go to your room. Maybe after a week we can-'

'No!'

I blinked. What?

'No,' he repeated, softer this time. 'I…I don't want to go back. I don't…want to be locked him. Kensei, I've…I've been so _good_. I listened to _everything_ you wanted me to do because…I just wanted to…Kensei, please…'

His voice was shaking. He looked like he was going to cry. But all I could hear was his "no" ringing in my ears.

'Shuuhei, I'm doing this for you…' I tried to reassure him. 'I'm doing this for _us_…'

I wasn't expecting this. He'd never argued before. Why was he arguing now? Didn't he see I was doing this for him? So that he wouldn't need anyone but me?

'I'm doing this to protect you…' I took a step towards him. He took a step back. My head was hurting. My heart was hurting. 'Shuuhei, please, don't…'

He clenched the front of his shirt, staring at the ground. Like he was forcing himself to stand his ground. Then his next words almost shattered me. 'I didn't want this…'

He didn't want this…

My head was reeling. Of course, he didn't. What kid would want this life? But he said…at the restaurant he said…

'You lied to me.'

He looked up, alarmed. I think he was alarmed. I couldn't really see him.

'I thought you wanted me to save you.' My voice sounded thick and distant. Like it wasn't my own. 'I thought that we were the same. That we needed each other to feel better. But I guess you didn't, did you?'

'Kensei, no…'

'You don't need me. I'm just a pathetic old man who can't move on.'

'That's not…don't say stuff like that…'

'Stuff like what? The truth? I've been running away from the truth, Shuuhei. And I dragged you along with me.'

'Stop it.' I didn't realize how calm his voice had gotten. I was too caught up in my emotions to notice anything really.

'I know what I'm doing is wrong. But for once, I just wanted to be happy. And I thought I was making you happy too. But I fucked up. I fucked up big time. I don't deserve to be happy. I should just crawl up in a ditch and just die-'

I stopped. Someone was hugging me around my waist. I placed a hand at the back of the head. Soft…

'I…'

'It's not your fault,' he murmured.

I swallowed. I let him hold me. It was calming. It was terrifying. This boy had so much power over me. How did that happen?

There was something oddly methodical about the way he held me in his arms, and patted my back like he was the adult soothing the child. And when he spoke again, there wasn't a single waver in his voice like before. It was clear, firm, and sad.

'I'm sorry.'


End file.
